Marriage

In a minute

None of the three faiths treats a wedding as only a party. In Judaism the couple marries under a canopy, the chuppah, with a marriage contract, the ketubah, and seven blessings. In Christianity the couple makes vows before God in church, and the church blesses the marriage. In Islam the couple makes a contract, the nikah, before witnesses, with a gift from the groom to the bride called the mahr, and the marriage is celebrated with a feast, the walima.

Judaism: the ketubah and the chuppah

A traditional Orthodox Jewish wedding often unfolds in these steps. Customs differ between communities.

1. Veiling. In the badeken, the groom veils the bride.
2. Chuppah. The ceremony takes place under the canopy, which stands for the home the couple will build. It is open at the sides, a sign of hospitality.
3. Betrothal blessings and the ring. Blessings are said over a first cup of wine. In Orthodox practice the groom gives the bride a plain ring before two witnesses. Many Progressive couples exchange rings. The Aish guide calls this the central moment, when the couple becomes fully married.
4. The ketubah. The marriage contract is read, usually in Aramaic. It sets out the groom's obligations, is signed by two witnesses and belongs to the bride.
5. The Seven Blessings. They are said over a second cup of wine.
6. The glass. The groom breaks a glass underfoot, recalling the destruction of the Temple even at a time of joy. Everyone calls "Mazel tov!"
7. Yichud. The couple spend a few minutes alone and eat, because many have fasted.

Many Ashkenazi couples fast until after the ceremony, and the groom may wear a white kittel. Sephardi, Mizrahi and Progressive communities have their own customs and wording, so ask the family. Reform and Liberal Judaism also use the chuppah and ketubah.

Christianity: vows and blessing

In the Gospel of John, Jesus is a guest at a wedding: "The third day, there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee. Jesus' mother was there. Jesus also was invited, with his disciples, to the wedding" (John 2:1-2, WEB). Christians have always turned to Genesis, too. Jesus quotes it: "For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will join to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Mark 10:7-8, WEB).

Christian weddings differ by church.

• Church of England and most Protestant churches. The couple make vows to each other before God, exchange rings and are declared married. The registers are signed. Many Protestant churches see marriage as a covenant and a gift of God, not a sacrament.
• Catholic Church. Marriage is a sacrament. The couple themselves are understood to be the ministers, and the priest and witnesses stand by.
• Orthodox churches. The service has two parts, betrothal and crowning. The priest blesses the rings and exchanges them three times. He then crowns the couple, who share wine from a single cup, a reminder of Cana. They are led three times around the table in a procession with hymns.

Islam: the nikah and the mahr

The nikah is a marriage contract. Its main elements are the free consent of both the bride and the groom, a wali (the bride's guardian, usually her father) who takes part, witnesses, and the mahr. Schools of law differ on details such as the role of the wali and the witnesses. In a commonly described pattern, bride and groom each say "Qubool" ("I accept"). Many couples hold the nikah at a mosque or at home, and an imam usually gives a short sermon.

The mahr is a gift from the groom to the bride, agreed beforehand, which belongs to her. The Qur'an says: "And give unto the women (whom ye marry) free gift of their marriage portions" (Qur'an 4:4, Pickthall). When one companion married, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) asked how much mahr he had given, and he replied: "Gold equal to the weight of a date stone" (Sahih al-Bukhari 5167). It can be money, a gift or something else agreed. It is not a dowry paid by the bride's family.

A feast, the walima, is hosted by the groom's family, sometimes on the same day and sometimes months later. In England and Wales a nikah on its own is often not legally recognised as a marriage, so many couples also have a civil ceremony.

Common ground and honest differences

All three faiths treat marriage as a bond blessed by God, built on love, commitment and mutual care. All three expect the wider family and community to witness it, and all three celebrate with food.

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