Coming of age

In a minute

At some point a young person stops being taught about faith and begins to own it. Judaism marks this with a bar or bat mitzvah, usually at 13 (12 for girls in traditional counting). Many Christians mark it with confirmation, when a young person affirms for themselves the promises made at baptism. In Islam there is no ceremony. A young person reaches bulugh, maturity, and becomes responsible before God for prayer and fasting. Families often celebrate it all the same.

Judaism: bar and bat mitzvah

"Bar mitzvah" means "son of the commandment" and "bat mitzvah" means "daughter of the commandment". The phrase describes a person who has reached the age where Jewish practice holds them responsible for the commandments. Traditionally that age was 13 for boys and 12 for girls. Reform Judaism's history of the practice notes the status comes automatically at that age, "with or without a public ritual".

The public ceremony grew over centuries. By the 13th or 14th century a boy was called up to the Torah, said the blessings, and chanted Torah and haftarah portions. A festive meal followed. The bat mitzvah ceremony for girls is newer in its public form. Its public form became established in North America in the early twentieth century, although some communities marked girls' coming of age earlier. Today Reform, Conservative and many other communities hold it, usually at 12 or 13.

In many Orthodox communities, girls mark the day with a celebration, a talk or a women's gathering rather than reading the Torah in the main service. Practice varies by community, so ask the family. Many congregations also offer b'nai mitzvah to adults who missed out as children.

Christianity: confirmation and chrismation

Christians do not share one coming-of-age rite, because the churches understand the sacrament differently.

• Anglican, Catholic and many other churches. A bishop usually confirms young people, usually in their early or mid teens, with prayer and the laying on of hands, and, in Catholic practice, anointing with chrism (holy oil). Those who were baptised as babies make the promises for themselves.
• Orthodox churches. Chrismation is given straight after baptism, including to babies. The priest anoints the person with holy oil with the words "The Seal and Gift of the Holy Spirit". It is not tied to an age, and it completes the sacraments of initiation together with baptism and Communion.
• Baptist, Pentecostal and many other churches. Baptism itself is the personal choice. Young people are baptised when they decide to follow Jesus, so there is no separate confirmation.

The Gospel shows Jesus going up to Jerusalem with his parents at twelve: "when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem according to the custom of the feast" (Luke 2:42, WEB). The Gospel does not describe this as a ceremony, and this page makes no claim that it was one.

Islam: bulugh and responsibility

Islam has no ceremony at all. The idea is that a young person reaches bulugh (maturity) and becomes responsible before God for prayer, fasting and the rest of the law. The Qur'an speaks of testing orphans "till they reach the marriageable age; then, if ye find them of sound judgment, deliver over unto them their fortune" (Qur'an 4:6, Pickthall). It sets no single age.

Scholars use signs of puberty and, where those are absent, an age in lunar years. The ages differ.

• Sunni schools look first to the signs of puberty. Where there are none, they set an age that differs from school to school.
• Twelver Shia jurists have traditionally given nine lunar years for girls and fifteen for boys. Contemporary scholars differ, so a person wanting a ruling should ask a qualified jurist.

Training begins well before. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: "Command your children to pray when they become seven years old" (Sunan Abi Dawud 495, graded hasan sahih by al-Albani). A child's first fast is often a family occasion, and so is finishing a first reading of the Qur'an. Some Shia families hold a celebration for a girl reaching taklif, the age of responsibility.

Common ground and honest differences

All three faiths agree that faith is first taught at home and then becomes a person's own. Each marks it with family, friends and a meal.

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