In a minute
Sooner or later, a neighbour or colleague will invite you to one of these: a baby-naming, a bar or bat mitzvah, a confirmation, a wedding, or a funeral. You might want to go and not know what to expect.
Each faith treats these moments as more than family occasions. Each brings God into them. A Jewish baby boy is welcomed into the covenant of Abraham (peace be upon him). A Christian child is baptised. Many Muslim families whisper the call to prayer into a baby's ear, so that the first words the child hears speak of the greatness and oneness of God. Weddings are blessed in God's name. Funerals commend the person to God's mercy.
The words differ, and the differences matter. So does what they share: gratitude, hope, and a community that turns up with food.
A time for everything
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 · JPS 1917Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep.
Romans 12:15 · WEBWho say, when a misfortune striketh them: Lo! we are Allah's and lo! unto Him we are returning.
Qur'an 2:156 · PickthallThe four pages
- Birth and naming: the brit milah and simchat bat, baptism and christening, and the aqiqah, with the adhan whispered in the ear and the tahnik with a date.
- Coming of age: bar and bat mitzvah, confirmation and chrismation, and the Islamic idea of bulugh, when a young person becomes responsible before God.
- Marriage: the ketubah and chuppah, the Christian wedding service, and the nikah with its mahr.
- Death and mourning: Jewish burial, shiva and Kaddish; the Christian funeral; Muslim washing, the janazah prayer and burial; and what to say and do as a neighbour.
Common ground
- God is at the centre. Every ritual here begins with prayer, blessing or recitation.
- Family and community. Nobody does these alone. Godparents, a sandek, a wali, witnesses, a minyan: each tradition names people who stand beside you.
- Food and giving. The brit meal, the christening tea, the aqiqah feast, the walima, the shiva meal. Feeding people is how all three faiths say "we are with you".
- Charity. The Muslim aqiqah gives a share to the poor, and the Jewish mourner is surrounded by acts of kindness. Christian funerals often invite donations in memory of the person.
- Hope beyond death. Judaism, Christianity and Islam each teach that this life is not the end. See The Last Day for how each faith says it.
Honest differences
- Timing: Jewish boys are circumcised on the eighth day; Christians baptise at different ages depending on the church; Muslim practice varies by school and family.
- Who takes part: roles for women and men vary within each tradition, and between Orthodox, Reform, Catholic, Protestant, Sunni and Shia communities.
- Burial speed: Jewish and Muslim funerals usually follow within days. Christian funerals usually take place a week or two after death.
- Each faith's account of what a rite means differs. A sacrament, a covenant sign and a sunnah are not the same thing, and this site does not blur them.
Before you go
If you're invited
- Ask the family what to wear, and whether you should bring a gift, food or nothing.
- Arrive on time. Weddings and funerals do not wait.
- Switch off your phone. Ask before taking photographs.
- Stand, sit or stay quiet when others do. No one expects you to join in prayers that are not yours.
- If you are not sure, say so. "I'd like to be there, and I'm not sure what to do" is welcome and honest.
- For more on visiting a place of worship, see If you visit.
- Jewish life and home
- Christian life and home
- Worship and sacraments
- Remembering
- Grief without borders
- Words that heal