You are carrying a heavy box. A stranger sees you coming and holds the door. Without thinking, you say “thank you”. It takes half a second, and you would feel a little rude if you didn't.
Now try a bigger list. Eyes that can read this. Ears that hear the rain. A heart that has beaten around 100,000 times since this time yesterday. Air, water, fruit, the people who love you. Nobody stood at those doors where we could see them. So here is one of the oldest questions people ask: if we thank the person at the door, who do we thank for everything else?
“It is a good thing to give thanks unto the LORD, And to sing praises unto Thy name, O Most High”
Psalm 92:2 · JPS 1917
This psalm is headed “A Song for the sabbath day”, and synagogues sing it every Friday evening and Saturday morning. It does not open with a request. It opens by saying that thanks is simply good: good to give, and good for the one who gives it.
What the research says about thanks
Small children say thank you because adults keep prompting them. Real gratitude grows more slowly. A team led by the psychologist Jonathan Tudge asked children aged 7 to 14 in seven countries what they would do for someone who granted their greatest wish. Younger children often offered something they liked themselves, such as sweets or a toy. Older children more often offered what the giver would value, such as friendship or help. Gratitude grows from “thanks” into “what can I do for you?”
People say the words less often than you might think. A 2018 study recorded over 1,000 everyday requests in eight languages on five continents. When someone got what they asked for, they said thank you only about one time in twenty. The researchers concluded that families and friends run on quiet give and take: thanks is often shown, not said.
In 2003 the psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough asked volunteers to list things they were grateful for, while others listed hassles or ordinary events. The gratitude groups reported better wellbeing on several, though not all, measures. Later reviews are more careful: a 2020 analysis of 27 studies found gratitude exercises are no treatment for depression or anxiety. One of its authors still said that being more grateful “has intrinsic virtue”. A good habit, then, not a magic pill.
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For everyone
What each faith says
Judaism
“Surely the LORD'S mercies are not consumed, Surely His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22–23 · JPS 1917
Many Jews say one short line before they even get out of bed. Modeh ani lefanecha: “I give thanks before You, living and lasting King, for You have given my soul back to me with compassion. Great is Your faithfulness.” Thanks comes first, before washing, before breakfast, before the news. The last words echo the Book of Lamentations.
Jewish prayer is full of blessings that begin “Blessed are You”: one for bread, one for fruit, one for seeing a rainbow. The Talmud says that enjoying the world without a blessing is like taking something that belongs to God (Berakhot 35a).
Christianity
“One of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, glorifying God with a loud voice. He fell on his face at Jesus’ feet, giving him thanks; and he was a Samaritan. Jesus answered, “Weren’t the ten cleansed? But where are the nine?”
Luke 17:15–17 · World English Bible (British Edition), public domain
The central Christian service has a name that means thanks. Eucharist comes from the Greek eucharistia, “thanksgiving”. At the Last Supper, Jesus took bread and “gave thanks” before he broke it (Luke 22:19).
One Gospel story makes the point sharply. Ten men with a skin disease are healed. Only one comes back to say thank you, and he is a foreigner.
Islam
“And when your Lord proclaimed: If ye give thanks, I will give you more; but if ye are thankless, lo! My punishment is dire.”
Qur'an 14:7 · Pickthall (1930)
The Qur'an opens with thanks. After “In the name of God”, its first words are al-ḥamdu lillāh: praise and thanks belong to God, Lord of all the worlds (1:2). The Arabic word for gratitude, shukr, comes up again and again. The Qur'an says people come out of their mothers' wombs knowing nothing, and are given hearing, sight and minds “And Allah brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers knowing nothing, and gave you hearing and sight and hearts that haply ye might give thanks.” (16:78, Pickthall).
Islam ties thanks to God and thanks to people together. The Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said that whoever does not thank people has not thanked God (Abu Dawud 4811).
Without religion
Many people with no religion feel deep gratitude: for a sunset, for a lucky escape, for being alive at all. Some humanists say thanks should go to the people who actually made the good thing happen: the farmer, the driver, the cook, the nurse. Others feel a wider thankfulness for existing, aimed at no one in particular. The philosopher Michael Lacewing has asked whether “gratitude to no one” makes sense, and argues that it can. Believers reply that gratitude naturally looks for a giver. Both sides take the feeling seriously.
Sikhi
“The Giver giveth; the receiver groweth weary of receiving. In every age man subsisteth by His bounty.”
Guru Granth Sahib, ang 2 (Japji, pauri 3) · Max Arthur Macauliffe, The Sikh Religion (1909), public domain
Sikhs often say “Waheguru ji da shukar”: thanks be to God. The word shukar reached Punjabi through Persian from the same Arabic word, shukr. Families may ask the gurdwara for a shukrana ardas, a prayer of thanks, after a birth, a wedding, a new job or a recovery. Guru Nanak's morning prayer, the Japji, keeps returning to the Giver whose gifts never run out.
Hindu traditions
“Whoso shall offer Me in faith and love / A leaf, a flower, a fruit, water poured forth, / That offering I accept, lovingly made / With pious will.”
Bhagavad Gita 9:26 · Edwin Arnold, The Song Celestial (1885), public domain
In many Hindu homes, food is offered to God before anyone eats. What comes back is prasad, a blessed gift to share. Puja, worship, treats God as an honoured guest who is welcomed, offered water, flowers and light, and thanked. The Bhagavad Gita says the smallest offering is enough if it is made with love.
Beyond the Abrahamic faiths
Buddhism counts gratitude as a rare and precious quality, kataññutā, which means “knowing what has been done” for you. The Buddha is remembered as saying that two kinds of people are hard to find: those who do a kindness first, and those who are grateful for it (Anguttara Nikaya, Book of the Twos). Monks and nuns receive their food as a gift, and give a blessing in return.
Same and different
Every voice here agrees that gratitude is good for people and good between people. They differ on where it points. For Jews, Christians and Muslims, thanks goes up to one Creator and out to other people, and the two belong together. Sikhs and many Hindus share that sense of one Giver behind every gift. Buddhism treats gratitude as a mark of a good mind, without speaking of a Creator. Many non-religious people direct their thanks to people and to life itself. That is the step this whole section is about: from “thank you” to “thank whom?”
A moment to reflect
- When did someone last hold a door open for you? Did you say thank you, and why?
- Make a list of ten things you need to stay alive today. Which of them did you make yourself?
- Only one of the ten healed men came back. What stops people saying thank you?
- Can you be grateful without being grateful to someone? What do you think?
Do it together
For one week, try saying one sentence of thanks before you get out of bed, as many Jews do with Modeh Ani. At the weekend, compare notes: did it change the morning?
Ask pupils to collect a short mealtime thanks from their own family or tradition, religious or not. Read them aloud before lunch for a week, one a day.
Walk round your neighbourhood and thank, out loud, one person in every job you pass: shop staff, the bus driver, the lollipop person. Talk afterwards about who you usually forget.
Go deeper
- Modeh Ani (My Jewish Learning) · article
- Qur'an 14:7 and 16:78 (Quran.com) · scripture
- Luke 17:11–19, the ten healed men (World English Bible) · scripture
- Guru Granth Sahib, ang 2 (SikhiToTheMax) · scripture
- Universals and cultural diversity in the expression of gratitude (Floyd et al., 2018) · research
In pictures
Sources (13)
- Psalm 92:1–2 and Lamentations 3:22–23 text: Sefaria, JPS 1917
- Luke 17:15–17 and Luke 22:19 text: World English Bible (British Edition) via bible-api.com
- Benefit from the world without a blessing is like misusing consecrated property: Talmud, Berakhot 35a (Sefaria)
- Qur'an 14:7, 16:78, 1:2 meanings (rendered Pickthall (1930) where quoted): Quran.com
- Whoever does not thank people has not thanked God: Sunan Abi Dawud 4811 (sunnah.com)
- Japji pauri 3 in Macauliffe's translation: Max Arthur Macauliffe, The Sikh Religion, vol. 1 (1909), Wikisource
- Bhagavad Gita 9:26 in Arnold's translation: Edwin Arnold, The Song Celestial (1885), Project Gutenberg
- Children aged 7–14 in seven countries; verbal, concrete and connective gratitude: YES! Magazine on Jonathan Tudge's research
- Thanks said about 5.5% of the time across eight languages; English 14.5%: Floyd et al. (2018), Royal Society Open Science; Phys.org report
- Emmons & McCullough (2003), Counting blessings versus burdens, JPSP 84(2):377–389: Abstract summary
- 27 studies, 3,675 participants; small effect on depression and anxiety; 'intrinsic virtue' quote: Ohio State University news on Cregg & Cheavens (2020)
- Can non-theists appropriately feel existential gratitude?: Michael Lacewing, Religious Studies 52(2), 2016
- Two people hard to find (kataññu): Anguttara Nikaya, Book of the Twos (AN 2.118–129), SuttaCentral